“I never thought you wanted presents of hard stones.”
“I don’t […]. You are not that kind of soldier and I am not that sort of girl. But sometime give me something lasting, that I can wear and be happy each time I wear it.”
Ernest Hemingway, Across the river and into the trees
I don’t really think an engagement ring is a necessary step in a relationship or, for what it’s worth, in someone’s life. If someone had asked me, “What do you want more, a ring or a library?” I would probably chose the latter. But, honestly, now that I have one, I love the way my sweet half surprised me, thought of me (yes, I do have something in the corner of my eye) and the way things have changed since then.
In fact, I developed feelings towards my ring a day at a time. At first I was maybe just too astonished, excited and maybe embarrassed to focus, plus there was no champagne: we aren’t going to marry anytime soon. No deadlines, no need to announce anything, to make a private joy become public.
That’s not the point. It is: commitment. I promise to love you, to make you very happy and sometimes amused, to be by your side when you’re sad, and I promise to say “please”, “thank you” and also (when I’m old and wise and weird) “I’m sorry”.
Having your future on your hand is constantly reminding you to be a better person, because he believes in you so much he decided to give you a ring. Don’t get mad so easily. Learn to do something new. Cook, care, grow, find a good job. Try to understand. Have time. Don’t judge, primarily don’t judge. Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?, Roger Sterling would say. I feel our love growing in a more aware, cozy way.
But how does this new awareness begins? Well, my answer is: everything begins with the style.
Are my clothes a good match for my new ring? Is there something I can get rid of without pain? You’ll be surprised at how it is suddenly easier. Pick your colors in order to learn to focus on your priorities.
No more cheap jewelry, no more confusion, less is more: you don’t really need average people just to be with someone. Choose your special ones, and let the others flow away.
I’ve always wanted a blue ring, even if I didn’t actually want a ring. A vintage, sapphire ring. Don’t be traditional on your engagement ring if you don’t feel traditional, or be traditional – if you are – even if trend says “emerald this year”. It’s going to be with you for a long time. So, who are you? Just be yourself, because this is the beginning of the life you’re going to build. I don’t mind if everyone want diamonds, I’m a sapphire.
I’m aware it is a societal construct. But Christmas trees, fairs, vacations and presents are societal constructs, and I love them. You just have to pick what works for you, and let the other things go: it’s the two of you now.
Yes, and the cat.